Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Friday, March 2, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
The Outhouse
I received this in an e-mail today and I laughed out loud so I thought it was worth sharing!
THE OUTHOUSE
Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"
Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."
So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!"
"Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"
Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!
"Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."
So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"
Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, "Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"
To which Ma replies, "Hurts, don't it ?!"
Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."
So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!"
"Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"
Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!
"Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."
So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"
Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, "Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"
To which Ma replies, "Hurts, don't it ?!"
(source unknown)
Cheers!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Hazardous Materials Data Sheet for Woman (with a sense of humor!)
This came via e-mail and I laughed out loud! Maybe that means I have a lousy sense of humor, what do you think?
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Bon Bon Fun...Now Stick 'Em Up
My Granddaughter made a pile of some of the bonbon toys that got popped all over the place Christmas Day and I was instantly struck by the irony!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Something to Offend Everyone - Merry Christmas!
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
*
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
*
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
*
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room
together?
100 people who don't do dick.
*
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
*
What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.
*
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
20 kgs.
*
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.
*
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
*
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
*
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
*
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
*
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.
*
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in year 9.
Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.
*
What's the difference between a porcupine and a police car?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
*
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
*
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Pepper spray will do that to you ..
*
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
*
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
other?
A speech impediment.
*
What's the difference between an Australian zoo and a English zoo?
An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the
cage along with... "a recipe.."
*
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
*
What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern
USA fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
*
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
(source) unknown
Cheers!
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Ten Thoughts To Ponder
These arrived by e-mail today and as I laughed out loud a couple of times I thought it was worth a share!
Ten Thoughts to Ponder
Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8
Men have two emotions; Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich .
Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky; not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.
Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?
Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
And The Number 1 Thought
Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers; what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
... and
"Don't worry about old age--it doesn't last that long."
Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8
Men have two emotions; Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich .
Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky; not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.
Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?
Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
And The Number 1 Thought
Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers; what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
... and
"Don't worry about old age--it doesn't last that long."
(source unknown)
Cheers!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Year 12 break up - the morning after!
Our neighbors staged a year 12 break up party last night that I sensed was heading for trouble. The party had only been going for an hour when breaking glass and drunken screams rang out. Clearly pacing oneself was not the party theme. Around 10pm I noticed things sounding much more aggressive. Then a car starts up, it's guts revved to the max, then slammed into the two cars pictured. Much hullabaloo ensued as you can imagine and for some strange reason the party kind of stopped then. Or moved off in pursuit of the villain! One party goer got a good nights sleep tho. He's still camped in his smashed ute out the front. Oh the joys of youthful folly!!!
Cheers!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
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