12 Secrets: Follow Fascinations

12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women: Secret 3
Following Your Fascinations

This week McMeekin asks us to look at our risk taking and intuitive self-talk history in regards to our creative lives. Do I take risks? What kind of risks? What stops me from taking risks? Am I committed to these risks? For those of you lovely souls in the blogosphere who are not participating the the reading circle, the author is refering to creative risks: starting a business, showing work in public, choosing to commit to creative practices, or just gettin over the fear of making. These are not free-base-jumping sort of risks--however exciting that may be. :)

I had mixed feelings (strong feelings) about this chapter, especially the concept of the "inner patriarch". I have certainly had moments of doubt or fear in regards to my artistic life, but I never classified it as my inner patriarch chopping me down from the inside out. And I still wouldn't. In fact, in my creative endeavors I have found that it is most often the matriarchal voice that does the cleaving. I've never been told by a man (or a subconscious male voice) that I wasn't pretty enough, or smart enough or talented enough. It's been other girls that have been the source of berating or creatively crippling comments. We see it in Queen Bees and High School Bitches, the toxic cattiness that is transmitted from one grown woman to another under the guise of "girl talk". I have never seen men get together to talk trash about someone they have invested enormous amounts of energy into to maintain the facade of friendship. Did you see her? What is she thinking?! You know what I would do? Seriously, did you hear about_____?What a slut. When I perform or show work my fear is not of the patriarchy, but is of the shark tank-like ferocity of women lurking in the crowd who have been bred to compete and conquer.

Ouch...

Where my mixed feelings come in however is here: while I don't believe my "inner patriarch" is destructive, the outer one certainly is. (I'm going to keep this brief as I hadn't really planned for this post to become an Orwellian-esque tirade...) Our culture has bred us to believe that to be a joyful person is to be naive-- that to be open to experiences is asking for trouble in the form of heart ache and betrayal. That being kind is a waste of time, unless of course you're sitting in a pew with other people just like you waiting for the collection plate and give not with your heart but out of fear of your peers thinking you are stingy. Bitterness is not a passing phase but a survival tactic.

Patriarchy as we know it doesn't value art in any of it's forms, and if it does, it has a funny way of showing it. It comes down to cash--creative time is seen as a privilege and not as a necessity, reserved for people with time and money to burn. Symphonies, galleries, theater companies, schools and libraries are always scrambling for funds and are the first victims of budget cuts. Culturally, the ability to screw someone over and cheat your way to "success" is held in higher regard than the ability to teach or create beauty. We see proof of this in payrolls and sociological standings. This form of patriarchy is a creative killer. Take away a persons ability to love, to be intimate with the world around them, to trust, to feel as though they have the freedom to choose and the ability to create--and what are you left with?

But enough of the Doomsday mushroom cloud....

So as Ladies of Action, the question ultimately becomes, how do we deal with it? How do we stave off the sharks and dive into the pool of creative risk taking? McMeekin suggests that we closely examine examples in our lives when we've taken the leap and been successful. She asks us to analyze, to break down what steps we took to achieve the goal and use those ideas as stepping stones. She also states that the practice of positive risk taking is that--practice. It's not a one time ordeal, but must be done again and again. I honestly believe that this chapter could have been condensed to nine words:

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

I'm putting this into practice by pulling up my Big Girl Pants, learning from my mistakes and celebrating the victories. I am not going to be smothered by fear of failure. I am also doing my best to provide support to the women around me, cut poisonous talk out of my life, help other's ideas grow by offering what I can, encourage those who are embarking on a creative journey and stepping out of their comfort zone by dipping their toes in the pond.

Come on in. The water's fine. :)