12 Secrets: Surrendering to Cycles

12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women: Secret 4
Surrendering to Creative Cycles

This week, McMeekin addresses creative cycles: What are they? How do we survive the Void? She also asks us to examine what our own creative cycles are like, what we do to feed them and figure out our flow.

So after after stewing on the information for a few days, I was able to solidify a few observations. Firstly, I do notice definite cycles--weeks of heavy dreams, inability to fall asleep because ideas are swimming laps in my psyche, and prolific productivity in the studio. When these things wain to a less manic level, I like to read interesting texts about things that aren't art, see strange films, find odd photographs, thumb through image heavy coffee table books, discover new and exciting music or attend openings or showings in my city. Travel is an inspirational power food. For me, traveling is similar to experiencing your first Aloe and Ginger smoothie: it fills you up, tickles your fancy, treats you with something unexpected and is ultimately refreshing.

"Stocking Self Portrait" by Molly Roberts. Mixed Media 2008. Click for a larger view.

Though most often, I find surviving The Vacuum isn't the problem. (That's what I've titled my Void.) My issue is trying to focus on one idea at a time. I get pulled in the direction of plays and then fashion design and then "Ooh! that's new!", flipping through design magazines and grumbling, "$4,ooo for an ottoman? I could make that..." and "Where do I get china markers?" and constantly scribbling down new ideas for paintings, shadow boxes, classes, altar pieces and experimental books and-- WOAH!

But even in the quietest of moments I feel compelled to make something--words or marks--that describe that quietness, something that reflects the inner space, something that responds to The Vacuum. Sometimes I experience creative Limbo when in a transitional period, a time when my interests are in flux or I'm moving on from one theme or material to another. I think, "I've been playing with this project for months, babying it, devoted to it, loving it. But---Oh! Ooh. What's that?" And I see that idea from across the room. I slyly look at it and it looks at me, we exchange glances for a while. So, I take initiative. I flirt with that idea for a while. Then I become brave and I ask it out for a drink. After a few dates at the library or in the sketch book it dawns on me--we were meant to be! And all the while I feel guilty about moving on from the former idea, the series, the finished work. But ultimately, I must leave it behind and confess,

"It's not you, darling. It's me."

The most excellent part of this melodramatic exchange is that there is a happy ending. There are no tears, no one is dejected and holed up eating Ben & Jerry's and no one gets their tires slashed. :)

What are your creative cycles and soap operas like?

Wishcasting Wednesday: Workshops!

It's a bright arctic sort of morning at Apartment Number 5.
A perfect morning to warm up with Wishcasting!***

This week our Wishtress, Jamie, asks us what we would like to create. Oooh---excellent question! As many of you know I've been carefully and busily tending to my Creative Gravy workshop, editing, adding, and refining. I have initial work finished--the seed is there. But a pile of Word files isn't a workshop until someone signs up. What I need is a hybrid, a little green shoot that is a miraculous mutant, the kind science has never seen before. My Wish is for this workshop seedling to sprout wings and take off out of the dirt to spread the word!

Midsummer Night by Molly Roberts. Click for larger view.

I wish to create a space for women to learn, to be enticed to investigate, to understand the sensual joy and intellectual excitement that springs from making something novel and unique to their experience. I wish to create a workshop like grandma's brownies--a workshop that women come to, take a bite out of, roll their eyes and say, "Ooh damn! This Art thing is Yummy in my tummy! Can I get another one?"

*** I wish for this workshop to be picked up!***

Now the question is: What do you want to create?

Go out and be the fairy god mothers you are and make Wishes come true!

Merry Making, Friends!~*

Pleasant Surprises: Goddess Tarot

My brain has been throughly milk-shake-afide after hours and hours of reviewing syllabus after syllabus, but luckily my evening class has been canceled and I am now left to my own devices. :) And that's a good thing since I have a new toy to play with! I love getting packages in the mail and I love artwork--so imagine my joy when my tarot deck finally arrived on my doorstep! Yippie!

It's the Goddess Tarot by Kris Waldherr and I'm loving it. The illustrations are rich and imaginative yet still full of symbolism that help trigger retrieval, making readings a breeze. I'm also a sucker for new and interesting representations of goddesses from all over the globe. My only criticism of the deck is the flatness of the stave suit--I know you can only do so much with sticks, but the cards get a little homogeneous for me. That and there is a drawing of a lion with its legs bending in the wrong direction-- like knees instead of elbows. If you're a internationally renowned illustrator, you think you'd be able to Google a picture of a lion to double check anatomy. But that's the art snob in me being picky...

All nit picking aside, I'm excited to get back in the swing of reading. I used to be adamant about it--maybe even good at it--until my deck went "missing". (A friend "borrowed" it without asking, or telling me. I was more embarrassed for her than anything. I didn't even really want them back after that. It just seemed like bad Juju...) It just took me a long time to find a deck that was appropriate, something that jived, one that I was excited about and this one was IT! While thumbing through the cards I thought to myself, "I could do this..." and was instantly whisked away to La La Land thinking about cups and queens and lace collars and--
I think I've found my summer project! :)

Anyone else been sprinkled with pleasant surprises?

Snowdrops in Scotland

Here's a favorite Henry Mitchell quotation on snowdrops:

[F]loribunda roses can become boring after a while; so can marigolds. They are nice enough; it's just that after a few months you wish they would look different. It is otherwise when the snowdrop blooms. Wow. Look at that. Right through the snow. Nobody ever gets bored with snowdrops or crocuses.

from Timing Is the Key, One Man's Garden  

We have no snowdrops yet in Northern California. There is a lovely story about the Scottish Snowdrop Festival; the photos of drifts of blooms by winding streams are enough to make one add that festival to the Life List of gardens to see.

Any snowdrop watchers out there?

Build It: They Will Come

Apartment Number Five has been a-twitter despite the bitter cold. Winter break is officially over and I've been busily preparing for the new semester that begins bright and early Monday morning. It is a perfect evening for a New Moon, a girl, her broom and a few curls of sage smoke. Time to clear out the stale and soggy, and invite in the Fresh and Fortified! I conquered the clutter, swept the corners and decided to honor my space with some fresh flowers--a present to me for being such a good me. :) (It just tickles me to see the little bouquets of ruby dotting the apartment.) A quiet evening of cleansing and calm the night before the school year kicks back into gear--I couldn't have planned it better myself! It's going to be an exciting month: a new plate of classes, Famous Graves rehearsals to run, a workshop in the works and for the first time--real live kids to teach (gulp!)!

"Koi Pond" by Molly Roberts. 2008. Available for sale Here

I am also proud to announce that "Making Creative Gravy: A Workshop for Women" is completed! I have elaborated upon my Creative Gravy series and fleshed it out into a full length lecture and workshop that includes group discussions, writing exercises, meditations and many more goodies geared toward inspiring women of all abilities and interests to create. The transcripts are typed, images have been selected, and supply lists have been tabulated. Now, I'm on to creating promotional materials and booking my first test runs of the workshop! Through some excellently productive and stimulating discussion with my sister Anna, and the rest of my family, I've been able to hash out potential audiences and venues for this shindig. I may be hostessing the first workshop as early as March! Hooray!

Now, I'm off to finish editing the transcripts and treat myself to a lavender bath and a good book to soak up the last bit of break. It was quite the holiday--full of writing, reading, wandering, mayhem, general mischief making and shameless debauchery. :) But I'm anxious to get back to work--there's a degree to be earned, music to make and paintings to paint!

What plans are you laying for the coming month?

*~Merry New Moon, Friends!~*

12 Secrets: Follow Fascinations

12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women: Secret 3
Following Your Fascinations

This week McMeekin asks us to look at our risk taking and intuitive self-talk history in regards to our creative lives. Do I take risks? What kind of risks? What stops me from taking risks? Am I committed to these risks? For those of you lovely souls in the blogosphere who are not participating the the reading circle, the author is refering to creative risks: starting a business, showing work in public, choosing to commit to creative practices, or just gettin over the fear of making. These are not free-base-jumping sort of risks--however exciting that may be. :)

I had mixed feelings (strong feelings) about this chapter, especially the concept of the "inner patriarch". I have certainly had moments of doubt or fear in regards to my artistic life, but I never classified it as my inner patriarch chopping me down from the inside out. And I still wouldn't. In fact, in my creative endeavors I have found that it is most often the matriarchal voice that does the cleaving. I've never been told by a man (or a subconscious male voice) that I wasn't pretty enough, or smart enough or talented enough. It's been other girls that have been the source of berating or creatively crippling comments. We see it in Queen Bees and High School Bitches, the toxic cattiness that is transmitted from one grown woman to another under the guise of "girl talk". I have never seen men get together to talk trash about someone they have invested enormous amounts of energy into to maintain the facade of friendship. Did you see her? What is she thinking?! You know what I would do? Seriously, did you hear about_____?What a slut. When I perform or show work my fear is not of the patriarchy, but is of the shark tank-like ferocity of women lurking in the crowd who have been bred to compete and conquer.

Ouch...

Where my mixed feelings come in however is here: while I don't believe my "inner patriarch" is destructive, the outer one certainly is. (I'm going to keep this brief as I hadn't really planned for this post to become an Orwellian-esque tirade...) Our culture has bred us to believe that to be a joyful person is to be naive-- that to be open to experiences is asking for trouble in the form of heart ache and betrayal. That being kind is a waste of time, unless of course you're sitting in a pew with other people just like you waiting for the collection plate and give not with your heart but out of fear of your peers thinking you are stingy. Bitterness is not a passing phase but a survival tactic.

Patriarchy as we know it doesn't value art in any of it's forms, and if it does, it has a funny way of showing it. It comes down to cash--creative time is seen as a privilege and not as a necessity, reserved for people with time and money to burn. Symphonies, galleries, theater companies, schools and libraries are always scrambling for funds and are the first victims of budget cuts. Culturally, the ability to screw someone over and cheat your way to "success" is held in higher regard than the ability to teach or create beauty. We see proof of this in payrolls and sociological standings. This form of patriarchy is a creative killer. Take away a persons ability to love, to be intimate with the world around them, to trust, to feel as though they have the freedom to choose and the ability to create--and what are you left with?

But enough of the Doomsday mushroom cloud....

So as Ladies of Action, the question ultimately becomes, how do we deal with it? How do we stave off the sharks and dive into the pool of creative risk taking? McMeekin suggests that we closely examine examples in our lives when we've taken the leap and been successful. She asks us to analyze, to break down what steps we took to achieve the goal and use those ideas as stepping stones. She also states that the practice of positive risk taking is that--practice. It's not a one time ordeal, but must be done again and again. I honestly believe that this chapter could have been condensed to nine words:

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

I'm putting this into practice by pulling up my Big Girl Pants, learning from my mistakes and celebrating the victories. I am not going to be smothered by fear of failure. I am also doing my best to provide support to the women around me, cut poisonous talk out of my life, help other's ideas grow by offering what I can, encourage those who are embarking on a creative journey and stepping out of their comfort zone by dipping their toes in the pond.

Come on in. The water's fine. :)

I can't be arsed to blog

So I shall patronise you all by just posting photos of Pumpkin.

I called her Pumpkin because I think she looks like black and gold/orange, which reminds me of pumpkins because those are Halloween colours. Ok fine, that doesn't make sense. I just think the name is cute lah, ok!

Anyway she learnt to respond to it by now, so no changing! :D

One day before I bought her:

It was love at first sight. Well, for me anyway. Pumpkin looks like she is deeply unsettled. Too bad for you doggie, you stuck with me!

Forlorn, would rather have a "true dog lover" owner.

Day one: We put her on the couch and she crawled up to my shoulder and promptly fell asleep. What a weird location to want to sleep on!

zzzzzzzz



zzzzzzzzzz



zzzzzzzzzzz again niaping against Mike's lap. I was so jealous!

































Several minutes later...



This direction seems to be better...



After her bath



All nice and fluffed out

In the t-shirt that I bought for her that was meant for bunnies (because all the dog sizes are way too big for her)! It says "Good rabbit" on it, isn't that cute!?

(And in case you about to start yapping about cruelty to animals, I bought said tee coz Pumpkin even trembles in chill when there is a big wind, or in aircon, ok! She is a puppy and she gets very easily cold!)

Anyway even this bunny tee is too big for Pumps, her front paws slip out of it, so I've decided not to let her wear it unless I am keeping an eye on her. As you can see in the pic she wiggled in her sleep and somehow put 2 front paws into one paw hole. Siao. Hahaha!

On a completely un-dog-related note,

My first Lv-yi-se (Green one colour)!!

At first I had the three 4 suos and one 3 suo - which means I was waiting for a 3 suo (green one colour + one colour + pong pong) but 3 suo was dead, and so is 2 suo as you can see I gang-ed it.

So I was waiting for 5 suo, which makes the cards completely not chio lor! One colour so boring and common!

I had one fa cai earlier in the game and threw that out, then I mo-ed another fa cai and kept it, throwing out my 3 suo - and I zi mo-ed the last fa cai (my MJ kakis are way too pro to throw it one lor)!! Woohoo!!

The 1 flower also mine.

Ok I shall stop the MJ jargon here.


And yes I am acutely aware of the rolls of fats in some of the doggie photos, so here's me in better times and also my best boring angle:

Taken in the loo.

I was about to go shower when I thought, "Why waste the make up? May as well camwhore", so I did.

Till next time and Happy CNY!

Note to self: Blog about USA trip and also cupboard nearly killing me.


p/s: Pumpkin is also sleeping on my lap now as I am posting this. Everybody say Awwwwwwwww!

Wishcasting: A New Direction

I'm still riding high on the inauguration coverage I've been soaking in all day. I had to beam as I watched the entire world celebrate--watching the globe cheer and people sobbing tears of joy makes me cautiously optimistic. It was like the world took one incredible concurrent exhale. What a celebration! I let the television talk while I worked in my studio, smiling while I smushed around cerulean blue.

But enough drooling--
*** it's time for WishCasting! ***

The Famous Graves: Alex (Muffin), Pat and John...I'm the short one on the end. :)
Image by H. Hanson. Click for a larger view.

Usually, I use this blog space as a forum to discuss my art projects and studio tinkerings but rarely use it to talk about my musical misadventures. This week, I'm making a wish for The Famous Graves--we've decided to venture in a new direction. A really new direction. We've been playing together for four years and have enjoyed several evolutions: punk, ska, kind of punk, dance rock, screamo and eventually moved into our own strange yet scintillating blend of saturated dance metal. After our last round of performances, we'd realized we'd reached a plateau--that we weren't really sure where we were going artistically, who our audience is or who we were really writing music for. I recently had an alarming experience: while trying to sing to the radio I discovered I'd lost most of the upper register of my voice, that screaming was ruining my vocal chords--and quickly. EEP! That wouldn't do.

So--I rounded up the boys for a chat and long story short, we decided to reformat as a jazz combo. I know that sounds like a trip via catapult to the polar end of the musical spectrum BUT it makes sense seeing as each of us started as jazz musicians--in fact that's how I met my Muffin. :) It's a project I've always dreamed about doing and it's finally feasible. Etta James, Ella Fitzgerald, Nina Simone, Billie Holiday and Peggy Lee have always been my heroines--women I wished I looked like, women I wished I sounded like, women I wished I was. These Ladies are the epitome of Class, Attitude, Artistry and Raw Talent. While I'm absolutely giddy about getting started, I must admit I'm a little tentative about my ability to move from this:

to this:

Image by H. Hanson

Then this morning I received an e newsletter about the goddess Hathor, telling stories about her amazing ability to shape shift and change to suit her life and adventures. A divine chameleon. Synchronization anyone? So, my wish is for The Famous Graves seed to be carefully tended as it starts to push it's way out of the grime-- that we might be exuberant, expressive and creatively cohesive in making art together in our new and exciting direction!

*** Go out and tend wishes, My Dearies! ***

I heart T-straps!

(not that I have anywhere to wear them!)