Love Puzzle

I painted this gouache on paper image a few years ago. It was part of a larger group devoted to the 'bride in the landscape'. This painting called 'Love Puzzle' appropriates Titian's 'Sacred and Profane Love', a sixteenth century bridal/wedding portrait...unusual for the time because the groom is absent. Venus the Goddess of love is present, but the bride's gaze is dreamy as if she is looking into the future. The figures [Titian also portrayed a distracted cupid] are placed in a pastorale scene, hence the 'bride in the landscape'. Many of the women in my family, including me, were literally young brides in the landscape. Country weddings and then back to the farm...so to speak. I know that women leave their spirits in the land and in the small communities they help build and maintain often in times of severe hardship. Remote living is lonely and the need to conform to country life expectations can consume real identities. Men mark the land physcially with fences, roads, ploughed fields, irrigation channels etc. Whilst the women work with the men in partnership they leave something else which marks the land with their spirits and energy...and sacrifice. Love is a puzzle....
Love Puzzle gouache on paper 30 x 42 cm unframed

SCHOOL HOLIDAYS

This painting is called 'When I Was A Child I Dreamt I Could Fly'. Well, I did dream this when I was kid...often. In fact, without ever having been in an aeroplane above my parent's farm, I knew what the farmhouse and outbuildings looked liked from above. As adults we tend to lose this kind of wonderment...I am dreaming it back! I thought about this painting today because my three children have gone to visit their Dad for part of the school holidays...out to the country. These young people need to know they can 'fly'. But, their dreams and imaginings seem to be only possible after school, homework etc etc have been finished. I love to see them playing pretend games because I can see they really believe anything is possible after these exhiliarating interludes. Their bodies bounce, their eyes dance and they talk... and talk. Homework does not have the same effect! That's why I love school holidays...the children become children again. I exhibited this painting in Abu Dhabi and I loved to see peoples reactions to it. They would stop and read the title and then I'd see their eyes [the women behind their veils] smile. Often they would turn to me and give me a broad grin...this then lead to wonderful conversations.
When I Was A Child I Dreamt I Could Fly Oil on linen 80 x 120 cm

Weak women

Sometimes I see girls so weak, I really feel like just giving them one tight slap to ask them to wake up!

And I don't mean weak physically - I mean weak mentally, where they would not defend themselves!

Example 1:

For goodness knows what reason, "Eric" was once again invited to play mahjong with us. Maybe he invites himself, hmm.

Now, he owes me $24, which I might say, is a super small amount, but he keeps claiming he has no money and no job... THEN WHY HE STILL PLAYING MJ AH?!

And lagi best. That day we had 2 tables, and he lost $12 to Benny. Still oweing me $20 from two weeks ago (he paid $4 which I used to treat Kelvin and Russ to milkshakes), he paid up the $12 to Benny! Wah pui chao nua! Why he like that one ah?

So anyway, I don't like him as it is.

His girlfriend, is not very likeable too, though mostly she just keeps quiet so that's fine.

But that day, we played mj till freaking 8am in the morning.

That would mean that the best of us bummers are possibly quite tired, and Eric's girlfriend, who has a full-time job I heard, is possibly super exhausted.

Now we were at Ann's place, and Eric's girlfriend has been sitting quietly beside him for around, I say, 7 hours? or so, WATCHING HIM PLAY DOTA AND MJ PLACIDLY.

DOTA! Fucking boring to be just watching!

I don't understand how ANY girls can be such pets you know, just sacrificing their time to do things their boyfriends like to do while being totally bored. YOUTH! Youth is how valuable and only come once! How can they just spend hours doing things they don't like?!

The time that she spent watching worthless Eric play MJ can easily be exchanged for time to do an eyelash extension and maybe a hair dye, making her prettier and worthy of better guys!

*shakes head in disbelief*

Never mind. The girl never made any noise. Not about being bored, or whatever. Just accompanying him.

Now beside the MJ tables were two couches, and the gf was just sitting there, beside this other friend of ours who was happily dozing on one couch.

Obviously after a while (being freaking 8am in the morning and not sleeping the whole night), the girlfriend fell asleep.

Eric hollered suddenly, in front of 8 people or so,

"Next time if you want to sleep don't come at all ok? Very irritating!"

In a super pissed off voice!

If anyone ever spoke to me like this I'd calmly walk up to him, smile and stuff some mahjong tiles in his mouth (mind you, they are dirty like hell and very hard) all while grabbing his crotch to smash his balls to little bits of scum (and cum. WHAHAHA) like his character... BUT NO!

All she did was to quietly attempt to wake up, turn on the tv to a minute volume, and tried not to fall asleep again while her boyfriend lost more money (and at the same time completely ignoring her existance).

If Eric is totally handsome I can understand the sacrifice. If he is terribly rich I can understand too. Or maybe his character is very good? But he is just really scrawny, wears bell-bottoms, not very clever, not very nice, and certainly quite poor.

The only reason I can think of for her sort of tolerance is that he screws damn well, but how do ugly people screw well? Well, I wouldn't know, would I?

(Also, he apparently read the last blog entry I wrote about him and said he doesn't care if I blog about him, so I thought maybe I might write this one too.)

Anyway, the point of the story is: Why are some girls so bloody stupid ah? It's only because there are girls who will take such bullshit that guys become such jerks; because they know they can get away with it!

Maybe, maybe this is what will happen in future for them...

Example 2:

Momo told me about this unfortunate client of hers whose husband fucked the maid.

GROSS.

The poor lady came over to our place and stayed for hours, not willing to go home to see witness her poor plight.

Now she is not a looker, and is really softspoken. She had school till sec 4 maybe, and since then have worked in her husband's minimart (who is owned by the mother-in-law) all her life, slogging and giving birth to 4 children for him. (1 mth to 6 years old)

The husband then had a freaking affair with the maid, and guess what? HE WANTED HER TO STAY ON IN THE FAMILY! He wanted the wife to accept that he was in love with her, and that she was to not send the maid back!

THEN WHAT THE CHILDREN GROW UP TO CALL THE MAID MOM AH?!

I CANNOT believe that that guy had the atrocity to have such a demand at all!

The stupid wife wanted to send the maid back, but the husband found the hidden passport and kept it, so she (said) she couldn't do anything. *roll eyes*

All she did was to cry.

The husband and the maid would disappear for hours on end, leaving the minimart and children under her care, and they would COME BACK WITH LOVE BITES ALL OVER.

As if it's not enough, the maid also didn't do her work, and would hit the kids and pull their hair! OMG. It's a one month old baby, and the wife let the slut maid take care of her kids! How stupid is she?

The maid would also throw things around when she is angry, and the HUSBAND DOESN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

Can you imagine? Not only you have to live in the same damn house as the other cheap woman your husband is fucking, you have to pay her money, and also take in her tantrums!

Wah that maid is really horrible.

The cb husband would fondle and massage the maid publicly in the minimart, and there was once an auntie who was a regular customer came in, went to the cashier, and told the wife, "Wah, can like that, very good hor, do work for you, and can touch her somemore! Can like that ah?" in Hokkien.

The wife just kept quiet, and at night, she told the husband not to do such things in public (what, only in public cannot ah?!), because people will talk.

The husband shouted at her back again, so she called Momo to cry.

-_-

And oh yeah. When the husband and wife quarrels, the maid would stand at the side and SNIGGER.

Oh I tell you, if that maid is mine she would have been slapped around 10 thousand times already. In fact, I might bite off her nipple. Both of them. (Joke, get it?)

I was like, "Why doesn't she tell the agency that the maid has been doing this?" but Momo said that she was afraid the husband would have to go to jail for fucking the help. WHICH HE TOTALLY DESERVES I SAY!

Anyway, so this silly wife didn't do anything, until Momo, being a heroine, stepped in and, together with the wife's brother, had an ultimatum showdown with the husband.

Either he gives the passport to them, or they will report him to Ministry of Manpower and make him go to damn jail! (which is too good for unrepenting scum like that)

So he did (give the passport, not go to jail), and the maid was sent back today. In the airport she kept sms-ing the husband, and when the agency people told her to stop, she went to throw another fit and broke her sim-card in half.

OMG, I really need to box her so bad.

Today's juicy news just came in, and the man told Momo that he is gonna divorce his wife and use his mom's name to bring the maid back into Singapore again coz he really loves her and he wants to "pursue his dreams".

Momo told him that if your dreams hurt so many people please go and die or something like that.

Please lar, that naive man thinks the maid really loves him. He is like 50, fat, and poor, while the maid is like my age! Nobody but his stupid wife would slog from 6am till 12 midnight everyday for him. Asshole, hope he burns in hell!

4 kids! Poor darlings.

I don't even understand why she doesn't want to divorce him! I will never accept a man who cheated on me with the maid. Goodness knows what 3rd-world STD she has!

I'd ask Momo for the maid's name tomorrow. Maybe we should write a petition to ask MOM to not allow her back in our country. Bloody home wrecker.

*********************

Anyway, the point of the two stories is: I hate weak women!!!!

What century is it now, huh? DO WE STILL STAND AROUND AND ALLOW PEOPLE TO CIRCUMSIZE OUR CLITS?! ROARRRRR! OF COURSE NOT!

How DARE men bully us like that!!!!!!!

If any of my boyfriends ever cheats on me with the maid I will pretend to not mind and forgive him, and exactly one year later boil a pot of really hot oil.

I will then dress up in beautiful lingerie and persist in having kinky sex involving me tying him up.

He doesn't know, but I have sound-proofed the apartment.

I'd then ask him, "Darling, do you know what this is?" pointing to my left boob. He would say, "That's your breast baby..." smiling like a lecherous fool. I would then SLAP HIM and say, "THAT'S MY HEART, BROKEN!"

And he would start to panic because he is bound up and can feel the fury of a woman scorned.

"And Tauruses are very vengeful!"

He would reply, "But... I thought Scorpios are the vengeful ones?" and I would SLAP HIM again, asking him to shut up.

Having planned this for a year, my pot would whistle at this moment, telling me the oil is at it's hottest boiling point.

I would then gently inform him that that's where his penis is going, and chop it off in one swift action MUAHAHAHA!

I'd drop the penis in, turn off the fire, and take my LV luggage bag and fly off to Milan for the rest of my very happy life (having also stole all his money).

MUAHAHAHA! Think castration is a very good punishment indeed. For cheaters, molesters, and rapists. ALL CASTRATE!

And please lor STUPID WOMEN. If you want to get a maid, for goodness sake get a fucking ugly one.

p/s: Momo said her friend is 36, not 50.

Birthdays, concerts, and unhappy presidents

Ah Ghim's birthday!

We met up at Novena Square to eat at a place stupid Wong recommended, saying it is a new restuarant that serves dim sum or something.

Lao niang took a $15 cab fare there, then in the end, they waited for me at the cab stand, saying "Wah lau, Wong was wrong, actually the place is like Ya Kun Kaya like that kind, small cafe only, cannot stay long one..."

Chao turtle that Eekean! She is damn xia suay she even called the place and, addressing herself as "Miss Wong", wanted to reserve a table. She said sheepishly later that it was no wonder the lady answering the phone didn't even bother to ask her the time. -_-

In the new we settled for the new Jap restaurant at Bugis...

Why we always make such bad choices one ah?

We stepped in and the Numa Numa song was playing. What's worse, it is in Chinese! Dunno what see cockroach I not scared scared anymore! Nabeh so disgusting!

We thought that in a bit it's gonna stop playing, but our worst fears was confirmed after we ordered our dishes:

GUO MEI MEI IS THE AMBASSADOR OF THE PLACE!

AND THEY ARE PLAYING HER CD ON LOOP! Which had like 6 tracks!

Omg kill me.

Throughout the dinner we heard the cockroach and lao shu ai da mi song around 6 times.

Nonetheless:

Wong back from Netherlands and Peiying back from India! I am so happy!


With me....

I don't know why so many people like photos without flash, I personally like it all sharp and clear.

Xiao feng trying to force feed Peiying some bland cabbage strands.

We realised this Ajisen branch restaurant is really very shrewd; they keep putting mounds of dry cabbage underneath their food so it looks like it's a big pile of yumminess but actually, you dig it open and BAH. Cabbage.

With Wong.


Their dessert!

Omg, only the green tea ice cream was edible. Look at the white balls with the brown sauce, and guess that brown sauce is?

I suppose most of us will think honey, or maple syrup... BUT IT IS TERIYAKI SAUCE FLOUR BALLS!

Goodness, it's totally salty and not sweet! What an unpleasant surprise.

The jelly pretending to be nata de coco is also just rather plain tasting agar agar.

Ghimz and PY doesn't like it...


Birthday Boy and his small cake!

Next: My shoppings!

I am siao over Juicy bags and terry cloth! I bought a lot of fake ones, see:

And I don't even use them anymore coz everyone else is using them! Bah.

Geylang purchases:

New heels!

Have to bring close-toed shoes to States when I go this Nov, it will be winter!

And a slutty dress!

It's obviously meant for prostitutes (since it is sold in a 24 hour shop in Geylang) but well, I think it's pretty! I love bareback dresses so much... :D

Went to Shuyin's boyfriend's choir concert in

Victoria Concert Hall...




With Wanyi




Poke Shuyin...


She doesn't love me anymore.... :(

Self shots!







Mei!


With her bf... Mine is halfway across the globe!!!!!! :(


3 of us!

We were totally overdressed, but whatever lar.

And when we were eating, Wanyi went to fold a

Ten-dollar bill...



Wanna see Mr Ishak very gleeful?

Just tilt the money to look at it upwards...


And downwards?



Fucking funny!!!!!!!! I kept laughing and couldn't stop.

SHARED TIME

We all share history which is 'time'. History is open to interpretation so it really is about how time is perceived. I am fascinated by the effect the tree of life gives as it appears simultaneously as a tree, brain, watersystem, cracked earth, lymph system and many more system-like things. Possibility is abundant and it is all there for our enjoyment. As each moment passes we have an affect on time. Mind blowing really.

This painting will be exhibited in my next solo exhibition 'Pulse' which opens Friday 13 at Doggett Street Studio Gallery, 85 Doggett Street, Brisbane. 61 7 32529292 info@doggett.com.au

"Shared Time" oil on linen 120 x 137 cm

Damn good skin!

Advertorial

I have to admit I had my doubts when Cellnique first contacted me asking if I would like to try out their best-selling product, the Pro Sebum Gel; I have not heard of that yet!

The company is based in Malaysia, and apparently the brand is selling so well that they decided to break into the Singapore market too.

I put on make-up that day feeling a bit conscious about my skin, and wondering if the girls who are travelling down from KL to meet me later will start insulting my skin, you know, like how some beauticians are when they do facials for you...

In the end they didn't insult me (actually praised my skin, though after seeing a photo later you will see how they are just being polite), but I tell you, if they wanted to insult me they certainly can lor! All the girls had FABULOUS SKIN I TELL YOU.

It's all snowy white and super smooth no oil no visible pores kind.

Also there at Ding Tai Feng was the founder of Cellnique, and he is a bit crazy coz he ordered 30 xiao long baos on top of other food, but he also has super good skin lar!

And they started telling me a bit about their product. I'll tell you what they said later, because I bet you aren't interested now.

Anyway, they were very nice to me, and said to try to use the Pro Sebum Gel and see if I like it.

And thus, this was presented:

Nicest box ever!

(Although this nice box is still unavailable in Singapore yet... The current packaging looks like this.)

After showering that night, I had a look at the brochure, and it said that the gel is for removing blackheads effectively without any pain, minimizing pore size, and also reducing facial oil.

I don't have any blackheads what, then how? (Or at least I THOUGHT I didn't have blackheads...)

In any case, I took a picture of my nose first. Hmmm, small screen on camera, cannot see properly.

Squeezed some and put it on everywhere.

The gel feels a bit sticky initially, but when it dries up (in like 20 secs), you can immediately feel your skin feel tighter and softer. IT'S TRUE! I am not kidding, I swear!

5 minutes later I realised that my face felt really oily. This is good because it is getting the fatty whiteheads and blackheads out! Must be working!

I continued using the miracle gel for two weeks, and by the first week, my skin felt like a baby's ass.

I know this sounds like one of those ads where people give ridiculous testimonials coz they are paid to, but I AM SO NOT LYING.

I even have one witness ok! Eekean accidentally brushed my face and mumbled, "Wah, your skin... quite soft ah?" (cue me gushing about Cellnique).

By then I knew the gel was great for getting my skin soft and all that, but when I finally saw the high resolution 'Before & After' photos, I must say I am truly, truly impressed by the product.

Lo and Behold:

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AND

I swear upon the life of Cloudy that I DID NOT DO ANY EDITING TO MY SKIN.

Both photos are taken in sunlight (but somehow the first picture is more blue), and there you go, the vast, vast difference it made!

In fact, in the second photo you can even see that the cheeks have a pinkish tone to it lor!

I didn't even know I had so many blackheads right under my nose (wahahha, clever pun) k...

So yes, a little more about the product now that you are amazed. Cellnique used to be supplying their greatness only to beauticians and salons, but now, it is available for sale at all Sasa outlets!

You will be even more delighted to hear this:

It has a no-questions-ask no-nonsense money-back guarantee if you don't like it!

The Pro Sebum Gel costs $69.90, and do whatever you want with it. You have 14 days to try the product, and if you think, well, it's nothing fabulous - just bring it back to the store and you get a full refund!

I told Mr Beautiful-skin Founder that he is gonna get lots of refunds in Singapore due to kiasuism, but he just smiled and said he is gonna still do that to encourage people to try, and he is confident they won't return the product once they have used it.

Isn't this great?!

It is! Go try it and let me know if it works for you too. :D

p/s: 500,000 units were sold since launching! They can't all be wrong or kiasu.

p/p/s: Regarding being a sell-out. Firstly, I was only teasing Kenny. There's a chance he sincerely does like his Crocs and don't find them ugly *ahem*. I don't really think he is a sell-out; he is my friend afterall and I know him better than that.

Secondly, I would like to remind all readers that I have stuck to my principles and only accept advertorials on products I have tried, tested, and liked. If Cellnique didn't work for me, as the photos clearly show, I won't introduce it to you guys. Not because some of you are not assholes, but because I have a blog integrity to keep.

Don't understand the meaning of sell-out? "- to betray (an associate, one's country, a cause, etc.); turn traitor: He committed suicide rather than sell out to the enemy."

How did I? Siao. If I start writing for ipods or cigarettes I suppose you can say I did indeed. But not just yet. Maybe one day if I am offered enough money I might. Like $200,000 or something...

p/s: Please contact Cellnique at pro-support.sg@cellnique.com if you have any queries!

Sell out

Kenny sia is a sell out! One pair of croc shoes and he is sold out!!!

Our MSN chat:

XX:
u sell out
u wrote for croc
thats fucking disgusting

Kenny says:
it's a good shoe ok!

XX:
u fucking er xin

Kenny says:
ta ma de sell out my ass!
i like it lah!

XX:
if u wear them to singapore i wont speak to u ever again

Kenny says:
wahhahaa

XX:
u are a horrible sell out blogger
KENNY SIA IS A SELL OUT

Kenny says:
i'll put them in my luggage bag how's that
EH!
look who's talking!

XX:
CANNOT
sell out

Kenny says:
they've giving me another pair leh!

XX:
please lar as if u not ugly enough, still wear!!!

Kenny says:
!

XX:
and of all colours, the mustard yellow one that looks like a baby's diarrhoea

Kenny says:
go away!

XX:
might as well get prison grey

Kenny says:
it's the comfiest shoe i've ever worn

XX:
*roll eyes*
if only its transparent
and i mean totally transparent
i shall write an entry about how much i hate croc shoes

I don't understand it, why are Singaporeans all so mad over Croc shoes? They say it's very comfy, but so are bedroom slippers, why isn't anyone wearing them out?

Whatever - in any case, they are fucking ugly, and damn well near socially unacceptable.

As it is, Singaporeans are already dressed very horribly, and along comes another consumer frenzy of ugly products! I CANNOT STAND IT ANYMORE! WHY DO ONLY THE UGLY PRODUCTS GET SO POPULAR?

I think most people know that it's damn ugly, but they still buy it coz they see everyone else wearing it, and so they think "It's alright then, I'll be ugly with them".

Pjs are comfy, and so is not wearing a bra - why isn't anyone doing it?

I hate croc shoes, they look like Ronald Mcdonalds decided to infect everyone with his sense of style.



At the very least, Ronald's clothes are matching to his shoes.

But Croc decided that since they are ugly, they might as well bring it to the max by tinting the thick rubbers with bright colours that will clash with every piece of clothing possible.

Here are a range of their best colours, see which one u like?

Colour 63: Horror Brinjal.
The best shade of purple made unroyal! Girls wearing this have their sexual attractiveness made to negative, straight boys wearing it look queer, and queer boys will never touch anything so uncamp.

Clashes best with:
Any piece of clothing possibly. Unless you wear purple pants! Set your own style and clash! Best-seller.

Colour 25: Clown Red.
Red in it's undilated poster colour shade. The rawness reminds you of rubber bands, and the red reminds you of fake tomatos in fake fruit baskets - yet you have never seen anything so undelicious. Clowns Association bought 200 pairs recently and was their most alike yet.

Clashes best with:
Jeans of any colour. Including red, somehow. Maybe you just shouldn't wear red jeans.

Colour 13: Dead Skin Beige.
One day our designer sat down on a bench, and noticed a homeless old man sleeping next to him, with his feet propped up. Seeing the calluses on that man's feet, he came up with the colour Dead Skin Beige. A bold artistic move, considering how it symbolises social standings and all.

Clashes best with:
Nothing, if you are a hobo with skin this shade.

Colour 05: Liquid Paper White.
You would think white will never go wrong, but don't forgot our company's motto is to CLASH! This rubber is bleached an unsubtle shade of white and then double reinforced with some liquid paper essense to make sure it is the most unglam clone of a Bata school shoe.

Clashes best with:
Perhaps a floral skirt? We are just suggesting.

Colour 08: Mustard Yellow.
Mustard yellow is great, but only on hotdogs and maybe people with jaundice. We considered making this a pale, more fashionable shade of yellow perhaps, but why bother? People already say our shoes looks like clown shoes. Let them say, whatever. We are the rich ones. And by rich we mean very rich. You fools.

Clashes best with:
Black business pants. Love it.

Colour 30: Prison Grey.
The hobo our designer saw spoke to him a while ago (read Dead Skin Beige) woke up and said he is homeless because he went to prison. Immediately, images of dull, unhappy walls and grey mess tins conjured in his mind (the designer, not the hobo). Thus Prison Grey, our new baby! Yet another bold, artistic social standing move.

Clashes best with:
Oddly enough, it even clashes with dull prison clothes. Yeah, kinda badly designed, we know.

Colour 01: Truck Tire black.
Colour no. 1!! A little story: Bet you didn't know Croc shoes were first invented by a mechanic who had excess tires in his workshop! He melted, cut, and TADAH! There you go. He has no sense of style.

Clashes best with:
Teeny weeny polka-dotted yellow bikinis. Oh, how it clashes!



My personal favourite is the Clown Red.

Anyway, as if it is not enough, they now came up with a new series of shoes, PARADING AS NORMAL SHOES!!!!!

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Oh god the ugliness. Somebody kill me.

Ridiculous idiots

Gawd help me!

In the absence of my blogging I have lost all my smart and older readers and have attracted a new bunch of mindless teenagers!!!!!

Sometimes I wonder if I look like one of them or something, how come they indulge me in their childish bullshit? They say things like "You look like a hooker from Changi", expecting me break down and cry, thinking, wooh, double attack, I look like a hooker and also a tranny!

It's very funny, I mean, I am only 22, but still a far cry from 16 year olds who will get affected by immature sentences like that, yeah?

You wouldn't go up to an old man, being all 13 or something, and say, "Youu r v ugliie N fAt!!!", expecting him to be affected by it, yeah? What makes you all think I will be?

The old man will just laugh at the naivety of youth.

I also find that the comments are mostly written by idiots, because once someone says something vaguely funny, everyone follows and writes the exact same thing, rendering it totally not funny anymore.

Funniest thing: There are people who wrote that I should not have put up a self-indulgent photo of myself during a 9/11 anniversary!

Should blog about melancholy and sad things! Should be more sensitive, considerate!

MUAHAHHA!

That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard for years!

Why don't you check a history calender before being happy every day? Every fucking day of the year we are in a war anniversary, considering how long wars can last - so how, every day cannot be happy is it? MUST MOURN AH?

Oooh Christmas countdown - TSUNAMI ANNIVERSARY! Even more people died! CANNOT COUNTDOWN!

Siao gin nas.

I'd tell you what I did on 9/11: I went to Weili's birthday party, coz his birthday is 9/11! I drunk and ate and sang and was basically very happy when 5 years ago many people died!

WHO CARES, IT'S OVER, AND NONE OF THEM ARE EVEN VAGUELY RELATED TO ME. I'm not even American *roll eyes*. (Until my baby marries me! You know you want to darling...)

The Steve Irwin thing pisses me off too.

Before he died, nobody gave a fuck about him. Before he died, possibly no one knew he did charity and saved animals and what the fuck else he did.

Everyone only knew he wrestled with crocodiles and possibly had the thought "Man, this person doesn't seem to treasure life very much" pass through their heads before.

But woah, die already, then must act like you are love him so much and he is your idol is it? Bloody hypocrites.

Thanks for telling me why the MSN tortoise and that he has a zoo. Thanks but no thanks, because I DON'T CARE. I care less now that he is dead. He was great, he was nice to animals and whatever. GOOD FOR HIM AND THE ANIMALS. But not even vaguely related to my life.

Why do you care? Is it because he was the buzz, and therefore you wanted to be in the buzz too, acting all passionate when all you know about him consisted of you watching about 1/2 an hour of his show your whole life? Don't you think it's worse to be taking advantage of his death than to not care about it?

Fuck off and die people.

Bloody tweens.

Stop reading my blog and saying thing like "You look so slutty" and asking if I had sex with Mike before... Are you like 12 or something? I'm bloody a decade older man, and if I choose to look bombshellish, then I will surely look slutty (although I call that sexy... hahaha), and that's fine too, because adults have sex, that's what they do.

At least the good looking ones, I would never know about the uglies.

Cloudy is an animal, but even he doesn't seem very
affected that a great animal lover just died.

Yeah yeah his face is dirty. Whatever, pretentious animal lovers. This picture is way long ago, now he is all shaved.

Bombshell!

Or at least trying to photoshop myself to be. :D

Hmmm, think Mike will like this picture.

Quote of the day:

- Zapzap, on seeing Denise Keller on MTV -

Me: Wah her mouth very big.
Zap: Yes can put two ku ku bird inside.

"In Unison"

This is a photo of me in front of a new painting called "In Unison". This painting will be shown in my forthcoming solo exhibition 'Pulse' at Doggett Street Studio, Newstead, Brisbane opening Friday 13 October.

"In Unison" speaks about the universal heartbeat of time and history. At a truly fundamental level we are reminded of life by the beating of our hearts and the rhythmic pace of our breath. No matter where we come from, what religion we have faith in, what type of political structure we espouse at a fundamental level we all share the same reminders of life. ..those elements of life that have a pattern and rhythm.

"In Unison" oil on linen 90 x 200 cm [photograph by Nikki Shrimpton]

Nonsense

I realised how old I am, when Smelly, who is 13, told me that on HIS msn list everyone had changed their nicks to include a tortoise icon for the death of Steve Irwin.



I suppose the tortoise is the closest you can get to a crocodile, the second closest being the snail , which is not close at all.

At least the tortoise kinda lives in water.

But yes, on my msn list, only about 4 people had the icon. FOUR!

I suppose if you ask any one of my old 22 year old friends why they didn't put the icon, they will give you some old people answer, like "You think I so free ah, NO NEED TO PAY THE BILLS IS IT?!"

When you meekly reply, "But putting the tortoise is nothing to do with the bills..."

they holler at you and say, "Yeah yeah only you damn free lar you don't need to work, only blog whole day!"

Just to prove their point, they put as their msn nicks "Fuck Steve Erwin and tortoises no need to pay bills is it"... Even the misspelling symbolises their oldness coz they are so jaded, they can't be bothered to remember people's names anymore.

I think it's mean, but I had to stifle a laugh when I heard how he died. I mean, of all methods to pass away! Very suay lar. Stingrays always seem so harmless and delicious with sambal sauce... until we forget why they are called STINGrays.

Anyway, I am gonna go to Zapzap's place now for steamboat!

Qihua called and went like, "This thursday ok, come for steamboat... After that, mahjong until like, I dunno, forever! hahaha..."

I was sleeping, but 'mahjong forever' just put a smile on my face.

"Ok... =)" I said.

p/s: Momo said that Po Po (Momo's mom) was a mahjong addict and also very good at it (Po Po died before I was born). Now Po Po had like 9 children or something, and nobody was very interested in MJ except my eldest auntie, and she is very good at it too and plays EVERYDAY!

Now apparently for the next generation of kids, no one else seems to be very interested in MJ too, so I am the one inheriting Po Po's MJ legacy! So please lar dead Po Po, bless me win big big today, Auntie Percy already win thousands in her years of playing, now my turn lar Po Po...

p/p/s: Watch this link, super funny can... Rozz sent to me.

PROSPERITY

'Prosperity' has brought me success with a win in the Warwick Art Award Works on Paper Prize. This painting is a gouache on watercolour paper and is sized unframed at 30 x 42 cm. The title speaks for itself but the painting is more than what you initially see. The layered colours and lines take the viewer's eye into deeper places where properity of spirit is felt. The interweaving of the amorphous shapes speaks about connectivity variously between individual people and groups of people sharing history, time and the earth. Like many of my paintings this can be seen as a landscape...an aerial landscape taken from a distant perspective. As a metaphor for looking at life this concept of distant perspective is important to me.

I shall be nicer!

I think I am a very unlikeable kinda person because I am so bloody intolerant of everything.

I don't like people who are stupid, I don't like people with awkward social manners, I don't like people who like poetry or like to take nude photos obviously for voyeurism and attention but mask it off as art (which in itself gives me the vibe that because they can appreciate art and others can't, they are in one upper class), I don't like people who don't admit mistakes, I don't like co-workers to work less and shittier than me and get paid the same pay (Not you Miss Lee, some other people), I don't like a lot of bloody things lar!

In the end, it makes me just loveeeeeeeeeee my friends coz only through years of sieving do I manage to find people whom I manage to not dislike.

I also dislike having this blog so popular then I cannot complain about people, which makes it really less interesting - BAH!

Don't care, I shall blog about these people!

Yesterday, I met someone who won't admit his mistakes, and geez, it just reminds me of middle-aged old men who will never say sorry even if they burned off all your hair by accident!

I don't think he reads my blog coz he is the cheena cheena type of guy who wears bell-bottoms to this era.

It's about mahjong again so people who don't understand mj can skip this whole chuck about him.

Now yesterday Russell bao-ed wan zi coz this fellow (let's call him Eric) kept feeding him wans until he got 9 outside.

It was pretty obvious Russell was ready to go for a happy wan zi win, but yet Eric still gave him another wan. So Russell won, and he bao lar! Everyone happy.

I looked at his damn cards, and you know what's inside?

All tongs outside, and maybe 7 and 9 tong, one DONG FENG, and one bloody yi tong.

OBVIOUSLY HE IS NOT SET YET RIGHT?!

So I asked why he doesn't wanna throw the damn dong feng first, you know what he said?

"BOH PIAN PLEASE, I AM ALSO VERY BIG!"

*Roll eyes*

Big my ass, got one dong feng inside if win only win 2 tai for half-colour right?!

If he said something like "I think it's better to throw now than later when he is more likely to be ready mah..." or something to that effect, I can still understand. I can even understand if he said that exact same sentence he said but with a sheepish smile.

But it is the WAY he said it such that he is SO DAMN CLEVER and his method of playing is OBVIOUSLY THE CORRECT WAY that I REALLY CANNOT TAKE LAR!

Yeah yeah so clever then kena bao-ed. I also always kena bao, but when people ask me why I always say I like to risk things, I don't act like "Boh pian, this is the way to play!". GAH!

Eric also gets pissed off everytime people win 1 tai, because the fellow likes to play minimal 3 tai win.

Mahjong is all about winning faster than others do, so excuse me if I win 1 tai to prevent your 5 tai win hor, then how, I don't win 1 tai to let you win limit is it?!

GAH! Mahjong really brings out the worst in people.

Which reminds me - I also don't like people who ask me not to blog about them, especially if they are so bloody mediocre and boring, why would I do that? Dullify my blog? Obnoxious!

Most of all I don't like people I don't like liking me.

You know sometimes it's like you meet say, Eric again, at a social function and he doesn't know you don't like him very much, so he sashays over to airkiss you, and you are forced to say a few sentences to him, because it is polite to be polite to people to are polite to you. Yes I know I used a lot of polites very politely.

So at the end of the function, Eric smiles at you, and says, "You know, I used to not like you coz you are so rude on your blog! But now, I think I like you lah, you are really quite a sweet girl!"

TAMADE!!!!!!

I HATE HATE HATE THAT coz all I wanna do is to tell Eric, Please just STOP liking me because I don't like you, and if you go around saying I am sweet and I go around saying you are a bitch, then everyone is gonna think I am a hypocrite! (Omg sweet, bitch and hypocrite rhymes! Accidental poet)

I just wanted to complain.

Woah!

Don't scare me leh, so many of you wanna go extend hair too?! Cannot lar, I cannot let so many people go extend, very spoil market one leh! If everyone also have the same thing, then I pay $200 for what?!

(Had 100 strands put in, $2 each)

Anyway, here are the pictures as promised:

Is way longer than it looks coz it is already curled up... Wanna know where my real hair ends? Armpit length, yes.

One more shot, acting pretty again... Yawn.

I'm very amazed by these people lar! They managed to find hair the EXACT SAME SHADE AS MY OWN, and even added in blonde highlights for me just like my real hair!

Nice right? Super bombshell!

Anyway, the price is $2 for one strand, and they told me that the hair they used is REAL HUMAN HAIR. The thing is, it really does feel like real hair, but if it is real hair, how can it be so cheap?

The only possibility is...
















IT IS SOME DEAD CHICK'S HAIR!

Must be lar! Morbid right, immediately die then shave off her hair, maybe wash it (or not...!) and dye it and pack into plastic bag to sell.

I call my dead chick Alicia, so yeah, this Alicia really has good hair quality! It is soft and silky, but I don't really dare to go smell it.

Kelvin conveniently told me the story of Korean movie The Wig, where a girl gets possessed by the wig of a dead chick whenever she wears it. I'm not possessed yet, but if I ever do, I think it will be great material for this blog! MUAHAHA!

Also told Mike to be careful not to sniff the hair, "Alicia" might be a guy! Hehe...

Anyway, I have stopped blogging for Stomp (I quit myself, you fools, not that I was kicked off), and replacing me is Jaymee Ong.

I hope she is interesting.

Actually, I don't see why Stomp needs their female bloggers to be so good looking. FOR WHAT? Also never upload pictures, if do, also irrelevant to the topic - best is get one ugly but damn funny chick (yeah la, can feel the typical boring insults going "That's why they got you!" but try harder la, your insult barely registers), pretty or not doesn't really break or make a blogger.

See Mrbrown, very handsome meh? Now is slim lar, but when he was chubby also everyone likes him mah, coz he funny!

Speaking of funny, my last blog entry there got erased!! Muahaha... Apparently, there are lots of prudes who read Stomp, and they demanded that I teach their kids bad stuff and therefore my entry must be taken down.

Wooo, cry me a river Singaporeans, you think if your kids have free access to the internet they don't have other bad stuff they can see? *roll eyes*

Besides, all I said was that once you have hit the legal age and you think you have 1) taken all protection necessary and 2) think you can handle it, then go ahead and have MORE SEX! (vs waiting till they are 18 and above or married)

Everyone pretends like they think sex is not great, but if that is true, where they all come from, drop from cranes ah?

Really cannot stand it when people give such typical advice to younger people. Study hard lar, don't smoke lar, don't drink lar, don't have sex lar, don't go into a relationship too young lar...

IF EVERYONE FOLLOWED THESE ADVICE THEN THE WORLD WOULD BE A FUCKING BORING PLACE CAN!

If Bill Gates studied hard maybe he won't be what he is today. Was Edison not even allowed to go to school or something? That's why he sold newspapers and burned down a train? (I remember from Primary school Chinese textbook!)

*roll eyes*

Ewww. Man, serious serious people really make me cringe so bad. Hate prudes.

Don't have sex before 18! Yeah, at 17 you cannot handle it, and miraculously, one day later after your birthday you can. Wow!